One of the most useful couple oriented activities for enhancing mutual sexual enjoyment is a series of touching exercises called sensate focus. Masters and Johnson labeled this technique and have used it as a basic step in treating sexual problems. It can be helpful in reducing anxiety caused by goal orientation and increasing communication, pleasure and closeness. This technique is by no means appropriate only for sex therapy but can be used by all couples to enhance their sexual relationships. In the sensate focus touching exercises, partners take turns touching each other while following some essential guidelines. In the following descriptions, we assume that the one doing the touching is a woman and the one being touched is a man. Of course, homosexual as well as heterosexual couples can do these exercises, and in either case the partners periodically change roles.

To start, the person who will be doing the touching takes some time to set the scene so that it is comfortable and pleasant for herself -- for example, by unplugging the phone and arranging a warm, cozy place with relaxing music and lighting. The two people then undress and the toucher begins to explore her partner's body, following this important guideline: She is not to touch to please or to arouse her partner, but for her own interest and pleasure. The goal is for the toucher to focus on her perception of textures, shapes, and temperatures. The non-demand quality of this kind of touching helps reduce or eliminate performance anxiety, which can inhibit arousal for both partners. The person being touched remains quiet except when any touch is uncomfortable. In that case, he describes the uncomfortable feeling and what the toucher could do to make it more comfortable; for example, 'that feels ticklish, please touch the other side of my arm'. The guideline helps the toucher attend fully to her own sensations and perceptions without worrying whether something she is doing is unpleasant to her partner.

In the next sensate focus exercise, the two people switch roles, following the same guidelines as before. In these first sensate focus experiences, intercourse and touching breasts and genitals are prohibited. Only after the partners have focused on touch perceptions and on communicating uncomfortable feelings do they include breasts and genitals as part of the exercise. Again, the toucher explores for her own interest and pleasure, not her partners. After the inclusion of breasts and genitals, the partners progress to a simultaneous sensate focus experience. Now they touch one another at the same time and experience feelings from both touching and been touched.

Sensate focus is an excellent way to learn to respond erotically with all areas of the body. It is also a good exercise for learning the sensitive areas of your partner's body. In sex therapy, sensate focus exercises usually precede and form the foundation for a specific technique for resolving arousal and orgasm difficulties.